i have had certain notions,that seem to float about like seeds on the wind,for most of my life,or at least amongst the times and memories i can recall.
One of these is the notion of being Lost.
It gives me a multi acronym,that i might come back to later.
It crystallised into something more material when i needed an email address and then a nom de plume.The specific form of my email address emerged from my determination to use the primary word that described how i felt not just in that moment,but indeed most of the time.i was determined not to be reduced to a number,unless it was very clearly obvious that i had chosen it.After keying inthe same word multiple times"the system"seemed to relent after 4 times.
That was several years agao now.In the meantime,i've found that my chosen identity gets some attention because its distinctive,although it seems to worry some people that i seem to have such a negative or forlorn orientation to the world,and that somehow they want me to be found.Not everyone's anxieties are allayed by my explanation....
That everyone is lost,there are no maps,for life itself except for those we make up as we go along,and that the difference might be-between you and i,whoever you are,is that i know i am lost.Indeed,i go a step further and consider that mostly,whatever,"the world"thinks it has to offer has little or no attraction.Yes,the world is facsinating and dangerously beautiful but i don't hav eto buy into it,and i try not to.
i have learned to be content with my discontent,and i think i understand at least in part my strong,sometimes overwhelming sense of alienation.
As if i needed reminding,i do get almost daily reminders of being lost and alienated.Not least in having such difficulty accessing my own blog!(and whilst i'm at it,the feedback mechanism to report such problems does not work either!)
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