for most of my working life i was a social worker,or in broadly social work related activity.
i always knew that it was at best"tinkering at the edge"of social change or providing"sticking plasters"over individual and family experience of social problems or private distress,but at least i worked in "the welfare state"or in related activity that sought to improve that"state" and condition.i felt that whilst it was nearly always the case that THIS person,over THAT person got some attention,and perhaps their needs met,that it was better than nothing and that i could not stand by and"wait for the revolution"that i still work and yearn for.
always i hope circumspect about it,and not boastful-aware that many people experience social work negatively,i nevertheless took some modest pride in"getting my hands dirty"in the mess of not just human misery but in the contradictions of seeking to give that help in acontext in which the primary directives of the economic,political and social system are directed elsewhere.if nothing else i hope iwas the human and humane face of "the system",who if nothing else could explain and tell the truth,and who would stand with those people even if i could not help them change very much of anything.i could also help point out to others that there is mostly a very thin line between the life experience of someone in trouble or distress,and"us",the rest of us,and that some of what the rest of "us"do,provides "us"with some illusory distancing that is NOT the reality.
it was not just a matter of my christian duty,and my social responsibility as a revolutionary socialist,but that i seemed to be living out my destiny.there is little if anything that is extraordinary or unusual abot me.i don't think im special or talented-but that if i had to work,i wanted to do something that migt have some meaning,some value and most of all might make a difference,however small to someone.at one point the choice seemed to be to train to be a social worker or to be a priest,and i guess in the end i chose or felt"called"to act,to do.....
that"career"is now over,having been medically retired for something just over a year,following about a year earlier of being long term sick.i hope i continue to"act"and to do in the world.perhaps now less able than before i can reflect and turn experience into some kind of value.
but i do notice more some negatives.one of course is the burgeoning austerity,crisis and cuts.without meaning to sound like i am feeling sorry for myself-i cannot help sometimes,indeed increasingly frequently finding myself thinking"i was not a social worker,for 40+years to see this.....happenning!".yet it confirms my thought,to reverse a common probation saying,that i am now a"gamekeeper turned poacher"-not that i have turned to criminality,but that i now challenge more openly and fully the ideaological hegemony of the state and the law,which"it"thinks it has,and demanding that we live by a different,better set of values that is genuine,as well as being genuinely even handed.i want to see law replaced by lore and then better still by love,for to quote a cathar/gnostic saying"a society that does not have love,has law".
today i heard one more detail that makes things a little bleaker and sharper,but still not insurmountable by any means.senior management in a certain probation trust(they used to be called services)has banned tarde union posters from the walls,concerned about the negative impresion this might give the ministry of justice,and despite claims that this same management supported the robust campaign to defend probation as a public service.the union is now advising its members to represent themselves as trade union members rather than as employees of that trust.at the same time it will consider what part it now plays in promoting the new projects of that trust to the public and others.at one level this is"small beer"but at another it is significant,especially amongst a staff group who are so committed to notions of public service and others welfare,which is not reucible to a simplistic notion of"false consciousness"-socialism after all starts with the word social.i would add that whilst it is freezing cold outside as i write,it is also"heating up"out there.whilst not perhaps traditionally the toughest or bluntest of trades unions,it is to this(my)unions credit that in every battle over the last 3 years,to my knowledge over jobs,it has won,at least in retaining posts.the employer and the state is however unrelenting in its efforts to dismantle public service,which makes this a war of attrition in which to couner the tricks and lies of the employer it will eventually need to become more inventive,more militant,more colectively conscious in away that goes beyond the obvious and not somobvious limits of professionalism and trades union consciousness.
but i admit some of my humble pride is now replaced with alienation and rage,as i watch and rage and act as the safety net is dismantled not just of its material resources but of its humanistic values.there used i feel to be an acceptance that we all need a "safety net".now we are back to dscussion about whether recipients of anything are worthy,or deserving.indeed it is worse than than because it is apparent that those judegments now mean that virtually no-one is deserving,we are all stereotyped and cast out,guilty of nothing more than being the persons behind the labour that make virtually everything in our societies,and transform nearly everything else in our environments through our various activities(our understanding of our world transforms it from its pristine state.
i have also realised sinec my retirement that whist i had some inkling,i did not fully appreciate quite how transformed and oppressive to myself and others the work i did had become.i do not mean that it is a"lost cause"though we may be approaching that state more closely,but that it has certainly become harder.i have to hope and to work for new generations of younger workers to continue to carry the torch for human need,at least in this aspect,whilst recognising that after 40 years,in which the last few had become more banalised and driven by other values,ncreasingly alien to and in contradiction to my own,were bound to take their toll.
in my case,apart from physical ill health i developed chronic clinical depression.whilst i was never in the"anti-psychiatry"school of approach to mental illness,one of its powerful insights is that "madness"can be the only rational response to an increasingly irrational context-even where that "state"claims itself to be rational.those anti-psychiatrists pointed out that the number of soldiers and pilots "going mad"during the vietnam war was more a reflection on the society,which could be seen as mad,than on those people who became mad.whilst this is a beautiful insight,it is for me inadequate as theory,better explained by"mental illness IS illness",but to stick with the point-it seems to me that the insight still has validity in itself,and that in a culture which has moved from some kind of centreing on human need to performance targets etc. which place the public image of the agency itself and its functionality centre stage,then madness should not in its various forms be a surprising outcome.and i have,over recent years heard another insight that i believe also has great value.the insight that"depression is anger turned inwards"makes sense to me-that i now think over recent years as i personally felt more pinned down and constrained in what i could either think or do,then there was i think a senses in which my rage that"something is seriously wrong"leaked into myself,assisted i believe by the way in which employment/labour now is increasingly managed,particularly in more people than product centred activities,and in which those"human resources"are increasingly problematised in efforts to reduce us,human beings to machine parts and units of labour.
the hope is and remains,even in difficult times that we human beings also remain animate and self conscious.despiet teh pressures on us that alienate,individuate,atomise and isolate we are social beings created and confirmed by each other.we can share our reflections and collectively from the diversity of our experience and who we are put together a view and understanding of the world that enable s us to change it.for after all although apologists for the current order present it as immutable,unchallengeable and unchangeable it is indeed subject to change.just as it was built like this,whilst it might have logic,and laws of its own,once made y human beings can be changed by human beingsusing effort,will and understanding.what we next make will of course not be made in circumstances of our choice but those in which we find ourselves.this places limits on our ability to"blueprint"although our ability to create,plan and imagine are powerful tools.whilst what we get might not be perfect,it can hardly be worse than things as they are for most people most of the time,amongst the 7 billion of us.there is no guarantee of success but we can try to ensure that what we do in our efforts to build something has value in itself.so that if we stumble and fall,we have learned a valued shared experience for the next time.
i hope we will try to build a society,a world we we share and which we make through our colective self activity.that does not just make the future important it makes everything we do together in getting there,or trying to get there rich with meaning,significance and potential!
about
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
Friday, 8 February 2013
St.Valentine's Day
I talk about love quite a lot.That still feels like a somewhat odd experience as a man,especially as at 59 i still feel terminally shy.I don't want to be misunderstood when i talk about this sort of issue,for its serious and has what i can only call a gossamer quality,although i believe it is very real.
I can of course,hide behind or cover myself with my professional training and concerns,but it still feels odd for a man to talk about love.i feel it is still the case that too many of us men are socialised in this society to lose the connection with our own feelings quite young.This leads us,but does not excuse us from "dumping on" and using "our wome"as our excuse for our own inadequacies but which are never admitted to be inadequacies but simply downgraded in a hierarchy of our behaviours.
Which is precisely why i will continue to talk about love as an attemt to change that way of being.
But at the risk of contradictoring myself,i am not a romantic.I'm afraid i reject that twee notion of love in which love is spoken of too easily and it seems to consist of sugary images of what love might be about.
For me,the height of this is Valentine's day,which it seems to me is reduced to a commercial excuse in which some,predominantly young people exchange cards,which seem to become bigger and more sugary decorative but increasingly meaningless.The exchange is vaguely supposed to be anonymous.
I find it sickening and i don't think this response is reducible as a shy and probably ugly boy/youth. It just represents all the worst aspects of love for me which reduce it vaguries without meaning,significance or consequence.It certainly had negative consequences for me as someone usually outside the"charmed circle".Soul mates might be meaningful for others but it never did mean much for me,except abstract and empty.
Indeed i have,i think,a very alternative vision of both how it is and how it might be.
But that is another story
I can of course,hide behind or cover myself with my professional training and concerns,but it still feels odd for a man to talk about love.i feel it is still the case that too many of us men are socialised in this society to lose the connection with our own feelings quite young.This leads us,but does not excuse us from "dumping on" and using "our wome"as our excuse for our own inadequacies but which are never admitted to be inadequacies but simply downgraded in a hierarchy of our behaviours.
Which is precisely why i will continue to talk about love as an attemt to change that way of being.
But at the risk of contradictoring myself,i am not a romantic.I'm afraid i reject that twee notion of love in which love is spoken of too easily and it seems to consist of sugary images of what love might be about.
For me,the height of this is Valentine's day,which it seems to me is reduced to a commercial excuse in which some,predominantly young people exchange cards,which seem to become bigger and more sugary decorative but increasingly meaningless.The exchange is vaguely supposed to be anonymous.
I find it sickening and i don't think this response is reducible as a shy and probably ugly boy/youth. It just represents all the worst aspects of love for me which reduce it vaguries without meaning,significance or consequence.It certainly had negative consequences for me as someone usually outside the"charmed circle".Soul mates might be meaningful for others but it never did mean much for me,except abstract and empty.
Indeed i have,i think,a very alternative vision of both how it is and how it might be.
But that is another story
Thursday, 7 February 2013
the grand plan-part1
starting points-
well im here.thinkng aloud,on a work in progress.
some of it is very much making things up as i go along.some may well come out as a kind of stream of consciousnees.
so even this is not going to be at this stage some all encompassing overarching description of it all.im very much learning as i go along,so the writing will reflect that.
the key for me is communicating myself,communicating with myself and with others out there.ive always been interested in writing but also in its mechanics and the experimental aspects of it.
the conventions of spelling and grammar
english is a language with a very definite history,and a very particular history.i know other languages have their own histories too,but english does seem to have particular dynamism,power,flexibilty.in saying that i have no wish to offend others or to"lord it over them".english is amongst other things a language of imperialism,in the past and perhaps in the present.apart from the ways its difficult or impossible to avod,i do not intend to personalise that imperialist thread.
part of that history also includes diversity of formats,spelling,grammar and a lot else.i suppose that one of the impacts of dictionaries was regularisation and order although it is a language that has never been domesticated.
it is full to this day of all kinds of inconsistencies.i dont claim that i either am or will be consistent in how or what i write.that depends on development and mood at the very least.i tend to write in lower case.this is because i seek a simplicity and speed.but also to express a humility in the representation of the words and of my own attitudes.i recognise there is at least one paradox in that,not least in that there is some arrogance in believing anyone might take any notice of me or what i have to say.lower case reminds me that i am only one,one of many,one of many voices.i am not concerned with competition,either to be heard over other voices nor particularly that this is best because it is marketable or saleable because it is best.the key for me is communication.that will include the problems in doing that.
well im here.thinkng aloud,on a work in progress.
some of it is very much making things up as i go along.some may well come out as a kind of stream of consciousnees.
so even this is not going to be at this stage some all encompassing overarching description of it all.im very much learning as i go along,so the writing will reflect that.
the key for me is communicating myself,communicating with myself and with others out there.ive always been interested in writing but also in its mechanics and the experimental aspects of it.
the conventions of spelling and grammar
english is a language with a very definite history,and a very particular history.i know other languages have their own histories too,but english does seem to have particular dynamism,power,flexibilty.in saying that i have no wish to offend others or to"lord it over them".english is amongst other things a language of imperialism,in the past and perhaps in the present.apart from the ways its difficult or impossible to avod,i do not intend to personalise that imperialist thread.
part of that history also includes diversity of formats,spelling,grammar and a lot else.i suppose that one of the impacts of dictionaries was regularisation and order although it is a language that has never been domesticated.
it is full to this day of all kinds of inconsistencies.i dont claim that i either am or will be consistent in how or what i write.that depends on development and mood at the very least.i tend to write in lower case.this is because i seek a simplicity and speed.but also to express a humility in the representation of the words and of my own attitudes.i recognise there is at least one paradox in that,not least in that there is some arrogance in believing anyone might take any notice of me or what i have to say.lower case reminds me that i am only one,one of many,one of many voices.i am not concerned with competition,either to be heard over other voices nor particularly that this is best because it is marketable or saleable because it is best.the key for me is communication.that will include the problems in doing that.
Thursday, 17 January 2013
books and serendipity-an observation:vietnam
yesterday when"out and about",i nipped into the local rspca mayhew charity shop,where i picked up a couple of second hand books.it strikes me that in some ways the books available are a better selection than was available in our local library before the local LABOUR led council shut it down-although that is NO argument for closure.
more importantly for me,is the pleasure of the element of serendipity when visiting charity or better yet,second hand bookshops.
one of the titles i picked up was Mark Bakers"Nam".A lot of books contain a blurb that might be useful,as a guide to the contents.this one contained some sentences that i found very touching indeed:
"the war billed....as a john wayne shoot 'em up test of manhood turns out to be a warped version of "peter pan".vietnam was a brutal neverneverland outside time an space,where little boys didn't have to grow up.they just grew old before their time."
"even now(1987/1992)something is missing from the history of vietnam........no one has bothered to talk to the men and women who went to vietnam and fought the war....."
it goes on to ask a string of key questions which ends with"how can they now live with the scars?"
i would add a concern for what happenned to the peoples of vietnam and the wider south east asian region?the consequences for ALL are still playing themselves out.....so why are we continueing to conduct such further and even more terrible,imperialist wars?
more importantly for me,is the pleasure of the element of serendipity when visiting charity or better yet,second hand bookshops.
one of the titles i picked up was Mark Bakers"Nam".A lot of books contain a blurb that might be useful,as a guide to the contents.this one contained some sentences that i found very touching indeed:
"the war billed....as a john wayne shoot 'em up test of manhood turns out to be a warped version of "peter pan".vietnam was a brutal neverneverland outside time an space,where little boys didn't have to grow up.they just grew old before their time."
"even now(1987/1992)something is missing from the history of vietnam........no one has bothered to talk to the men and women who went to vietnam and fought the war....."
it goes on to ask a string of key questions which ends with"how can they now live with the scars?"
i would add a concern for what happenned to the peoples of vietnam and the wider south east asian region?the consequences for ALL are still playing themselves out.....so why are we continueing to conduct such further and even more terrible,imperialist wars?
Thursday, 10 January 2013
seething with rage and frustration
I've been locked out of my own blog for so long because its virtually impossible to access.
Is it all down to my age and stupidity?
Do those younger and more able people who live more easily with these technologies have some other way of thinking or what,because i simply fail to get it at all.
It leaves me seething with rage and frustration.
I've never been a particular fan or supporter of the alternative technology-environmental-green movements.I have a range of criticisms,but i will try to stick with one here.I know that sometimes life and particular knowledges are complex and difficult,and we have to face up to that,but i still believe that what can be simple should be simple and,that even where it is not simple,it should as far as possible be accessible.Which brings me straight back to my starting point-that i think these computer focused technologies fail at all levels.They are not accessible at all,and i notice often that even instructions written for idiots like me-what is on the paper page usually does not match what i am seeing on the computer,and that even if it does there is usually an instruction or a feature missing.
when for example,i visit my own site,usually intending to write something,what i get is not a dashboard but something that asks me to set up a blog,because i apparently do't have one,only to be told when i follow those instructions that i cannot complete because someone already"has"what i'm trying to access.
i'm left, as always mystified.The only help i have is two friends/comrades,one of whom helped me set up this blog in about 20 minutes after months spent hour by hour getting nowhere on my own.i feel fortunate that although they seem to work"deep in the labyrinth"that is IT,they both remain human beings who talk to me like we ARE on the same planet.Mostly talking to IT people,i know within seconds that I'm the alien from a galaxy far away from here.But then i knew that anyway
Is it all down to my age and stupidity?
Do those younger and more able people who live more easily with these technologies have some other way of thinking or what,because i simply fail to get it at all.
It leaves me seething with rage and frustration.
I've never been a particular fan or supporter of the alternative technology-environmental-green movements.I have a range of criticisms,but i will try to stick with one here.I know that sometimes life and particular knowledges are complex and difficult,and we have to face up to that,but i still believe that what can be simple should be simple and,that even where it is not simple,it should as far as possible be accessible.Which brings me straight back to my starting point-that i think these computer focused technologies fail at all levels.They are not accessible at all,and i notice often that even instructions written for idiots like me-what is on the paper page usually does not match what i am seeing on the computer,and that even if it does there is usually an instruction or a feature missing.
when for example,i visit my own site,usually intending to write something,what i get is not a dashboard but something that asks me to set up a blog,because i apparently do't have one,only to be told when i follow those instructions that i cannot complete because someone already"has"what i'm trying to access.
i'm left, as always mystified.The only help i have is two friends/comrades,one of whom helped me set up this blog in about 20 minutes after months spent hour by hour getting nowhere on my own.i feel fortunate that although they seem to work"deep in the labyrinth"that is IT,they both remain human beings who talk to me like we ARE on the same planet.Mostly talking to IT people,i know within seconds that I'm the alien from a galaxy far away from here.But then i knew that anyway
Monday, 12 November 2012
On Meaning And The Loss Of It
Finally,today i got around to going through some of the piles of accumulated paper i have to admit i hoard and live with.The pile i waded through is mainly miscellaneous papers and documents accumulated through years of working in the criminal justice system.No-one should get excited at reading this,there is nothing incriminating or compromising of me or anyone else.Its all much more banal than that.A lot is simply the flotsam and jetsam associated with work and career.Indeed much of it,is th sort of stuff i set aside to read or at least glance at some other time-but never did,not even now.Some of it might be of more interest:notes on challenging issues,informatin about this campaign or that,how to complete particular forms or reports,data entry.It all,i suppose amounts to the stuff that
keeps the wheels going for me as a worker in a particular trade or profession.But then back in January 2012 that career came to a halt with retirement frm it.Its not that i've lost interest in criminal justice or social work-i definitely have not,but whilst i should never say"never",i don't think its likely to return to my profession or anything approaching it,although i suppose the threat of"austerity"and what it might come to mean looms like a spectre(or hobgoblin!).Otherwise,no 42 years or so is enough-i would not commit to it as a career again.
I return to going through the papers,and realise that suddenly,what one was not just imbued but saturated with meaning is now empty,like a shell or a husk.How strange that it,and how quickly it happens because i suspect,that had i rummaged the day after my retirement might have been very similar.
And yet i admit there are fleeting,occassional moments when it is painfully different.i suppose that is because sometimes something on the paper touches a memory and i am transported,usually to a melancholy place.
And in that there is a clue to something else,even more melancholy.When my dad died,my mother was there and with whom i went through some of the grieving process.Only two years or so later my mother died,and whilst i was with my sister through a lot of the experience,including returning from the USA to live in my parents last house,somehow it was different,in that we ourselves had to dispose of a lot of the objects of their daily lives,inclduding indeed their little house.
What struck me was how some objects suddenly possessed an apparent power,probably of memory and evocation,so that i would have to stand still for a few moments or more drawn back into memory and reverie.Then there was another response to other things,where suddenly all meaning had drained out of all kinds of things.And even if i think back now,my fond memories are for particular situations,moments,even light but not actual objects.To make the point,i sometimes think back to a paricular place in the hallway of ur family home,where a yellow-orange carpet of autumn like colours,took on a particular tone in spring or autumn light,made even more powerful in relaity and memory by the combined impact of say the copper kettle,a slightly tinted mirror.i also remember some small orange and brown glass.i hold the memory but not the desire for the actual objects in the memory.
I am reminded of something else.Since my retirement,i have been able to become more active in my trades union,and so i can actually attend its branch meetings.Only a few months ago,i attended a particular meeting in which the main focus of discussion was the latest round of redundancies made by"our"employer,in part of its handover of some of its activities to another,private company....
i have no wish to appear arrogant,but i do have some experience as a socialist and as a trades unionist over over 43 years.unfortunately i am all too familiar with recessions,redundancies,cuts...but i am NOT inured to the impact of such events.So in the discussion of these redundancies,i found myself caught up in the shock and devestating pain of brothers and sisters who had,they had only haerdwithin the last few days,and not even"properly"that they would be made redundant.It is a bewildering experience,and it can be so much worse when procedures have not been followed and workers get letters as in this case which begin with the words"you have been deleted".i suggested that all letters and emails going from our trades union from then on,should contain a strap line along the lines of"solidarity with the deleted".....i was so angry and distressed that i wrote a little post on facebook about it-though i know my distress can have nothing on the impact on those who were actually"deleted".i am grateful for the comment of an old friend and comrade who commented on the brutal honesty of employers.whilst i was initially taken aback-that comment set methinking further.
i noted firts of all in my own thinking and i suspect in others too that whilst we intelectually know one thing,our hopes or perhaps our(individula)psychologies are not neccessarrilly entirely synchronised with that understanding.In this case i admit i had the hope that a public sector employer who employs people like me to"help"others might actually behave differently.But no it does not!
It took longer to reach a second point in my thinking and to go beyond it.I realised that there is acertain sense in which my friend was right,although i wonder if any"institution"can have any feelings or understanding-which is rather in the heads of those making the decisions.Then i thought that the very collective responsibility for such decisions might actually have some kind of absolving aspect to it.It also reinforced a view i already hold that context is if not everything,then it is much.I imagined the board or some other agglomeration of senior management,making the decision.Whilst some might(i hope this at least)feel"awkward"i think they might be sustained by the environment in which the decision was made-i imagine in some kind of boardroom which however"pressured"is not the same pressure at all,as that in which my brothers and sisters work every day beset not only by the pressures of the job itself and the self expectation that mostly workers,despite our alienation,still give it the best we can-but also the not so background anxieties associated with our own lives in such a period as this.i dont know about interesting-but i do know it is austere and that times are very hard.
It made me think too that the expression"you have been deleted"is actually absolutely serious.i have begun to think more.harder,deeper about how atually those in their class or associated with it,who act as its minions,might actually think that in"deleting"workers form their jobs,might actually end,negate,empty the problem.I think that THEY now really DO think they have emptied the problem-it no longer exists.But that reflects their vision of the world in which we are merely here as lbour to be bought and sold.We know we are something much else,much other......
In a world in which THEIR view of us is the dominant one,it is easy to think we are not much at all,and to believe that when they"delete"us in any way,somehow we might go away.But then we dont,and indeed in turning around to resist and to struggle we begin to form a class consciousness of ourselves that reasserts that it IS our labour that makes the world.All of it..It is our talent and skill and imagination that might imagine it otherwise.That perhaps their world really is empty of meaning,and content and that actually it is our world that we can make and fill with something else-a commonwaelth,to be shared and lived in together.i like to think that what they fail us in is the barbarism,and that our vision is a socialism,something completly other,new,exciting,challenging.
in the meantime,i am reminded again of the words of William Blake in his poem"What is the Price of Experience?"
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/23579-what-is-the-price-of-experience-do-men-buy-it
keeps the wheels going for me as a worker in a particular trade or profession.But then back in January 2012 that career came to a halt with retirement frm it.Its not that i've lost interest in criminal justice or social work-i definitely have not,but whilst i should never say"never",i don't think its likely to return to my profession or anything approaching it,although i suppose the threat of"austerity"and what it might come to mean looms like a spectre(or hobgoblin!).Otherwise,no 42 years or so is enough-i would not commit to it as a career again.
I return to going through the papers,and realise that suddenly,what one was not just imbued but saturated with meaning is now empty,like a shell or a husk.How strange that it,and how quickly it happens because i suspect,that had i rummaged the day after my retirement might have been very similar.
And yet i admit there are fleeting,occassional moments when it is painfully different.i suppose that is because sometimes something on the paper touches a memory and i am transported,usually to a melancholy place.
And in that there is a clue to something else,even more melancholy.When my dad died,my mother was there and with whom i went through some of the grieving process.Only two years or so later my mother died,and whilst i was with my sister through a lot of the experience,including returning from the USA to live in my parents last house,somehow it was different,in that we ourselves had to dispose of a lot of the objects of their daily lives,inclduding indeed their little house.
What struck me was how some objects suddenly possessed an apparent power,probably of memory and evocation,so that i would have to stand still for a few moments or more drawn back into memory and reverie.Then there was another response to other things,where suddenly all meaning had drained out of all kinds of things.And even if i think back now,my fond memories are for particular situations,moments,even light but not actual objects.To make the point,i sometimes think back to a paricular place in the hallway of ur family home,where a yellow-orange carpet of autumn like colours,took on a particular tone in spring or autumn light,made even more powerful in relaity and memory by the combined impact of say the copper kettle,a slightly tinted mirror.i also remember some small orange and brown glass.i hold the memory but not the desire for the actual objects in the memory.
I am reminded of something else.Since my retirement,i have been able to become more active in my trades union,and so i can actually attend its branch meetings.Only a few months ago,i attended a particular meeting in which the main focus of discussion was the latest round of redundancies made by"our"employer,in part of its handover of some of its activities to another,private company....
i have no wish to appear arrogant,but i do have some experience as a socialist and as a trades unionist over over 43 years.unfortunately i am all too familiar with recessions,redundancies,cuts...but i am NOT inured to the impact of such events.So in the discussion of these redundancies,i found myself caught up in the shock and devestating pain of brothers and sisters who had,they had only haerdwithin the last few days,and not even"properly"that they would be made redundant.It is a bewildering experience,and it can be so much worse when procedures have not been followed and workers get letters as in this case which begin with the words"you have been deleted".i suggested that all letters and emails going from our trades union from then on,should contain a strap line along the lines of"solidarity with the deleted".....i was so angry and distressed that i wrote a little post on facebook about it-though i know my distress can have nothing on the impact on those who were actually"deleted".i am grateful for the comment of an old friend and comrade who commented on the brutal honesty of employers.whilst i was initially taken aback-that comment set methinking further.
i noted firts of all in my own thinking and i suspect in others too that whilst we intelectually know one thing,our hopes or perhaps our(individula)psychologies are not neccessarrilly entirely synchronised with that understanding.In this case i admit i had the hope that a public sector employer who employs people like me to"help"others might actually behave differently.But no it does not!
It took longer to reach a second point in my thinking and to go beyond it.I realised that there is acertain sense in which my friend was right,although i wonder if any"institution"can have any feelings or understanding-which is rather in the heads of those making the decisions.Then i thought that the very collective responsibility for such decisions might actually have some kind of absolving aspect to it.It also reinforced a view i already hold that context is if not everything,then it is much.I imagined the board or some other agglomeration of senior management,making the decision.Whilst some might(i hope this at least)feel"awkward"i think they might be sustained by the environment in which the decision was made-i imagine in some kind of boardroom which however"pressured"is not the same pressure at all,as that in which my brothers and sisters work every day beset not only by the pressures of the job itself and the self expectation that mostly workers,despite our alienation,still give it the best we can-but also the not so background anxieties associated with our own lives in such a period as this.i dont know about interesting-but i do know it is austere and that times are very hard.
It made me think too that the expression"you have been deleted"is actually absolutely serious.i have begun to think more.harder,deeper about how atually those in their class or associated with it,who act as its minions,might actually think that in"deleting"workers form their jobs,might actually end,negate,empty the problem.I think that THEY now really DO think they have emptied the problem-it no longer exists.But that reflects their vision of the world in which we are merely here as lbour to be bought and sold.We know we are something much else,much other......
In a world in which THEIR view of us is the dominant one,it is easy to think we are not much at all,and to believe that when they"delete"us in any way,somehow we might go away.But then we dont,and indeed in turning around to resist and to struggle we begin to form a class consciousness of ourselves that reasserts that it IS our labour that makes the world.All of it..It is our talent and skill and imagination that might imagine it otherwise.That perhaps their world really is empty of meaning,and content and that actually it is our world that we can make and fill with something else-a commonwaelth,to be shared and lived in together.i like to think that what they fail us in is the barbarism,and that our vision is a socialism,something completly other,new,exciting,challenging.
in the meantime,i am reminded again of the words of William Blake in his poem"What is the Price of Experience?"
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/23579-what-is-the-price-of-experience-do-men-buy-it
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Not So Much A Wake-More The Struggle Continues
Over recent weeks the SOS Brent Libraries has been not just a contested issue,but so is its continuation.
I'm just one of the "footsoldiers" in the Save Preston Library camapiagn which in turn is just one of now 7 camapignsthat make up this loose coalition.
Several of the campaigns have gone down the road of establishing community libraries run by volunteers as Brent Council have it appears broken their"good intentions",to put it no higher,to estanlish a new relationships with the community.Within afew days of Cllr.butt being elected leader of the Labour Group/leader of the council he expressed some sort of desire for this new relationship with the community.He made some kindof commitment that nothing else would be changed or moved until a meeting had taken place with the community(ies).Within less than a further a raid took place on Kensal Rise library under police gard when at soemthing like 3am the boosk were removed by council staff/security company,which included the removal of the plaque marking the opening of the librray in the 1880s by Mark Twain,and the 1930s murals from the internal walls.Cllr.But may have been caught our by this.It may be an aelement of his"row"with the ex council chief executive.I do not know whether actually he was complicet.
Since then the Council have handed 2 sets of library buildings back to the Oxfor University Colleges who own the freeholds,both of which make explicit that the buildings must remain libraries.The council may be making some realtively small savings onrents and leaseholds but it cannot gain any other income from the buildings by other use or sale.This has given away 2 libraries which it is now difficult to see reopened unless the respective community campaigns opt for some community library model.
The Preston Park area library is to be remodeelled as an overflow school for the next few years.Its future beyond that is unsure but i would suggest that getting it back as a library,now it is not one,will be more difficult than had it remained open on some basis or event empty.There is a lot of resistanec to clousre,there is almost as much resistance to it being aschool but a schoolis better than sale and resisting a school is quite difficult to campaign around.This especially the case where much of the community,in any of the areas might assume that it might have looked to the labour Party,Labour Group,Labour Council for support,advice,guidance leta loen a defene of publicly fned libraries.That has been impossible where the Labur Party in whatever guise has not shown a single sign of fighting back or resisting cuts.Is it surprising that many feel they have no choice but to campaign for a community library or to be left with nothing.This in turn has not been helped when members of the Labour Party who might be dissidents from the cuts have walked away from the campaigns rather than stand and fight,even as a minorit,even a s a losing minority in some of the campaigns.
Let me make clear my own position here.When the campaign locally was launched I became involved when the 1st public meeeting was organised in February 2011.to its credit the local committee did a lot of reasearch and presented a critique of local authority plans and considered a number of other alternatives,some of which presents variant cut options.I was one amongst a nmber fo speakers from the floor which included other local residents and members of other campaigns in the group,who oppossed ALL and ANY options that simply passed the cuts elsewhere.This was the view taken in the Preston Park area.when a journalist approached me for an interview I indicated that I was happy to be quoted but that any quote shoudl not be attributed to me,as I was away fro work on lig term sickness at the time and that such direct quotation might either complucate or make my situatin more difficult.Due to the complexities of my particular sitauion as well as il health itself,i took a back seat but supported the campaign as best i could and "fed in"my opinion and acted as a sounding board for other activists,particularly my partner who has been a member of the committe of the SPLC through most of its life.
The campaign continued.In February 2012 i made a similar,militant contribution to the debate inthe pubic meeting,but remained a supporter of the camapaign.I was however lucky enough to be given an opportunity by Chris of BNCTV(or is it BCNTV?)to be intervied as a campaign supporter,specificaly for my militant position.I wa shappy to do it,was encouraged to be forthright in my marxist,revolutionary outlook of the situation and indeed have some pride in the work i did with Chris.I subsequently inroduced him to other stories...
However,when at a Brent FightBack Meeting about the NHS campaign i argued that SOS Brent Libraries,as a community based campaign fighting the cuts should have speaker on the platform,both i and the campaign was charicatured as lib.dems,opposed to state funding,anarchists and as untrustworthy on a variety of bases.It was like being talked about along the lines of"does he take sugar?"and I'm afraid i lay some of the blame for the situatiin at the feet of those who walk away from campaigns when those campaigns won't embrace particular advocated positions,especially when it is the Labour Party/Council making the cuts!
The plan to convert the library to a school wsa suppossed to take 3 months.Six months on the work has finally begun.About 10 days ago the library building was barricaaded in preparatin for that conversion and refurbishment to begun.Going past the library these last few days has been for me and many others a very sad experience,as the building looks more an more like avacant uncaed for fortress awaiting execution to mix metaphors badly.
Last night i wrote a short valedictory piece of Brent Tusc,Counihan Battlebus and my own timeline on facebook,caling on support for todays Torch of learning event,linking 6 of the closed libraries and ending with a wake at the local hostelry tonight.I called on comrades in other campaigns and organisations to"come rally!",that this was a turning point and that the situation was MAYDAY,MAYDAY!
Then this evening Jimmy Mac,effectivey the convenor and certainly leading activist in the Counihan Sanchez family campaign drove me home after campaigning with them,in the battlebus,we passed Preston Park Library.On the fence thatbguards it were flowers,posters and banners both advertising the event,and calling agin for OUR librray to be re-opened.There were also a number of black flag flying.Although these are funereal rather tha symbols of Anarchy(ah!Anarchy!)-and thisis the nearest certain labour party members will find of anarchy in this locality-more the pity-at least it indicates we stiil have hope and still love our library....
Th truggle continues.Jim drpped me at the Windermere Pub.i entered the wake where there were some subtle surprisse and interesting cntradictions,but the struggle DOES continue!
Lotta Continua!
(to be continued)
I'm just one of the "footsoldiers" in the Save Preston Library camapiagn which in turn is just one of now 7 camapignsthat make up this loose coalition.
Several of the campaigns have gone down the road of establishing community libraries run by volunteers as Brent Council have it appears broken their"good intentions",to put it no higher,to estanlish a new relationships with the community.Within afew days of Cllr.butt being elected leader of the Labour Group/leader of the council he expressed some sort of desire for this new relationship with the community.He made some kindof commitment that nothing else would be changed or moved until a meeting had taken place with the community(ies).Within less than a further a raid took place on Kensal Rise library under police gard when at soemthing like 3am the boosk were removed by council staff/security company,which included the removal of the plaque marking the opening of the librray in the 1880s by Mark Twain,and the 1930s murals from the internal walls.Cllr.But may have been caught our by this.It may be an aelement of his"row"with the ex council chief executive.I do not know whether actually he was complicet.
Since then the Council have handed 2 sets of library buildings back to the Oxfor University Colleges who own the freeholds,both of which make explicit that the buildings must remain libraries.The council may be making some realtively small savings onrents and leaseholds but it cannot gain any other income from the buildings by other use or sale.This has given away 2 libraries which it is now difficult to see reopened unless the respective community campaigns opt for some community library model.
The Preston Park area library is to be remodeelled as an overflow school for the next few years.Its future beyond that is unsure but i would suggest that getting it back as a library,now it is not one,will be more difficult than had it remained open on some basis or event empty.There is a lot of resistanec to clousre,there is almost as much resistance to it being aschool but a schoolis better than sale and resisting a school is quite difficult to campaign around.This especially the case where much of the community,in any of the areas might assume that it might have looked to the labour Party,Labour Group,Labour Council for support,advice,guidance leta loen a defene of publicly fned libraries.That has been impossible where the Labur Party in whatever guise has not shown a single sign of fighting back or resisting cuts.Is it surprising that many feel they have no choice but to campaign for a community library or to be left with nothing.This in turn has not been helped when members of the Labour Party who might be dissidents from the cuts have walked away from the campaigns rather than stand and fight,even as a minorit,even a s a losing minority in some of the campaigns.
Let me make clear my own position here.When the campaign locally was launched I became involved when the 1st public meeeting was organised in February 2011.to its credit the local committee did a lot of reasearch and presented a critique of local authority plans and considered a number of other alternatives,some of which presents variant cut options.I was one amongst a nmber fo speakers from the floor which included other local residents and members of other campaigns in the group,who oppossed ALL and ANY options that simply passed the cuts elsewhere.This was the view taken in the Preston Park area.when a journalist approached me for an interview I indicated that I was happy to be quoted but that any quote shoudl not be attributed to me,as I was away fro work on lig term sickness at the time and that such direct quotation might either complucate or make my situatin more difficult.Due to the complexities of my particular sitauion as well as il health itself,i took a back seat but supported the campaign as best i could and "fed in"my opinion and acted as a sounding board for other activists,particularly my partner who has been a member of the committe of the SPLC through most of its life.
The campaign continued.In February 2012 i made a similar,militant contribution to the debate inthe pubic meeting,but remained a supporter of the camapaign.I was however lucky enough to be given an opportunity by Chris of BNCTV(or is it BCNTV?)to be intervied as a campaign supporter,specificaly for my militant position.I wa shappy to do it,was encouraged to be forthright in my marxist,revolutionary outlook of the situation and indeed have some pride in the work i did with Chris.I subsequently inroduced him to other stories...
However,when at a Brent FightBack Meeting about the NHS campaign i argued that SOS Brent Libraries,as a community based campaign fighting the cuts should have speaker on the platform,both i and the campaign was charicatured as lib.dems,opposed to state funding,anarchists and as untrustworthy on a variety of bases.It was like being talked about along the lines of"does he take sugar?"and I'm afraid i lay some of the blame for the situatiin at the feet of those who walk away from campaigns when those campaigns won't embrace particular advocated positions,especially when it is the Labour Party/Council making the cuts!
The plan to convert the library to a school wsa suppossed to take 3 months.Six months on the work has finally begun.About 10 days ago the library building was barricaaded in preparatin for that conversion and refurbishment to begun.Going past the library these last few days has been for me and many others a very sad experience,as the building looks more an more like avacant uncaed for fortress awaiting execution to mix metaphors badly.
Last night i wrote a short valedictory piece of Brent Tusc,Counihan Battlebus and my own timeline on facebook,caling on support for todays Torch of learning event,linking 6 of the closed libraries and ending with a wake at the local hostelry tonight.I called on comrades in other campaigns and organisations to"come rally!",that this was a turning point and that the situation was MAYDAY,MAYDAY!
Then this evening Jimmy Mac,effectivey the convenor and certainly leading activist in the Counihan Sanchez family campaign drove me home after campaigning with them,in the battlebus,we passed Preston Park Library.On the fence thatbguards it were flowers,posters and banners both advertising the event,and calling agin for OUR librray to be re-opened.There were also a number of black flag flying.Although these are funereal rather tha symbols of Anarchy(ah!Anarchy!)-and thisis the nearest certain labour party members will find of anarchy in this locality-more the pity-at least it indicates we stiil have hope and still love our library....
Th truggle continues.Jim drpped me at the Windermere Pub.i entered the wake where there were some subtle surprisse and interesting cntradictions,but the struggle DOES continue!
Lotta Continua!
(to be continued)
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